I met with Anxiety and Depression late 2016 and into 2017 and 2018. I still see them from time to time but our relationship is much better now than it was before, as I have taken the time to recognize, understand, and accept them as they are.
They spent a lot of time with me, trying to protect me these past few years.
Anxiety had me feeling so much fear, so I wouldn’t feel hurt from humiliation when sharing my artwork with others.
Depression kept me isolated from people, so I may recover from the recent trauma of losing someone I loved.
They wanted to protect me.
They did all they could to keep me safe.
And for a long time, I resented them.
I hated them for making me so scared to take action.
So mad at them for keeping me away from people for so long that it’s become so difficult to reach out, ask for help, and be with people again.
I hated them for doing what they only knew how to take care of me.
To keep me from getting hurt from what were perceived as potential threats:
I hated Anxiety and Depression.
But hating them only made it worse.
What is my greatest achievement these past 2-3 years?
Accepting Anxiety and Depression as they are.
Feeling them through and seeing them simply as primal states designed to protect and keep me safe.
So thank you, Anxiety and Depression.
For being there when I wasn’t aware.
I suffered greatly and unconsciously with you by my side.
I know you didn’t mean to overcome me as long as you did.
You only stayed for as long as I needed to realize that I didn’t need to feel bad anymore.
You were only meant to visit as fear and sadness, not to come and stay as Anxiety and Depression.
I just didn’t notice you were there with me until I did.
And when I did, you two kindly departed.
You were not meant to stay forever.
And until I realized this, I held you two close.
It wasn’t your fault.
It wasn’t my fault.
This was just how we worked together when I wasn’t aware of you.
Thank you for being around.
I’ll be sure to see you, feel you, and listen to you a little more intently, each time you visit now.
And with compassion.
Having gone through this period in my life, I sense it is not all for naught.
Nothing is wasted when it’s appreciated.
And I appreciate all that Anxiety and Depression has given me:
Immense insight and immense capacity to hold space for pain and to hold space for love.
I will take what I have learned through these low moments in my life and shine light on a new way of being and creating:
Creating with Compassion.
I didn’t create much when I was with Anxiety and Depression.
When I did, fear and shame was present.
I had difficulty truly enjoying and settling into the magic space of creating.
It was only until I look towards fear and shame with love and compassion that I was able to create from love and compassion.
That is what I wish for the world:
Human beings creating from joy, not fear.
From love, not shame.
To be a guiding light of creative compassion for others, I am building a business that delivers this message and practice to all human beings through online videos and a membership community.
We are all creators.
We are all artists.
We just need to be kinder human beings to ourselves so we may create more freely and generously with true abundance and care.